You wrote this with vulnerability and wisdom - you said and know exactly what you need to do. That inner drive and persistent hunger to go after what is ours - is often tempered bc we feel guilty for wanting more when there is so much poverty, want, and need around us. There are a lot of mixed messages that then make it hard to turn around the "funk" - let alone the self-doubting crap that enters our mindsets. I feel this too - and thanks for sharing to remind us too what we can do to overcome mediocrity. It's not a bad thing to wish for excellence - keep up the great work and push! You got this!