Janin, so appreciate the time and very candid remark. I completely understand what you mean, and yes - I think I have encountered many of those responses that are truly genuine curiosity and wanting to get to know one another. I do believe you and understand where you were coming from and I would venture to say, you didn't offend anyone.

I struggled with wording the interaction (in this writing piece) I had with my friend, as her communication consisted of eye, facial, body, and verbal expression. I felt - the communication. At the time, as uneasy as it felt - I pushed it aside and gave her the benefit of the doubt.

We grew close for many months after this. I had hoped to "expose" her to other cultures and ways of seeing things that perhaps she had not seen before.

It would be a very direct and derogatory remark that she then made two years later about blacks that lay bare her mindset and perspective. I feared it - but was hoping she was "changing."

I wrote a very clear communication with her a couple of days after having the disagreement that left me absolutely torn, hurt, and very very disappointed.

I share all of that to say: in her case, I didn't misread her initial reaction. But I did give her ample time and space to work inwardly - but sadly the years of brainwashing that racist systems do to people become ingrained quite deeply. I wasn't going to change that. She had to want to change.

Thank you not only for reading but engaging - I truly appreciate your comment. Thanks for the loving compliment. Keep safe and well!