I'm so sorry for the passing of Bernard - what a touching and sad story, Britt. I feel for the pain you feel and can only offer the human response that: we all make mistakes and they only appear to be severed mistakes - once we see how life turns out. Yet none of us are privy to that.

You had your reasons, and they were valid. There is no way you could have known he was going to die. I hope the memory of the true friendship supersedes the memory of having not been able to say goodbye, he wanted it that way. I would imagine. So much love to you - and may the friendships you have be ones you are open to reaching out to whenever your heart prods you to. Thanks for sharing your heart with us!