Dear Klara, such loving, truthful comments to you and your replies so sincere and full of heartache. I feel I understand the grief you experience and I know the mother’s heart of just wanting her children together, loving each other. Everyone has given you wonderful advice and I just want to remind you of something:

Do not translate their distance from each other as a measure of how good a mother you’ve been or how great a family you are. You are a wonderful mother and you have a lovely family…how that looks and feels is so different from one to another,

Sure—some siblings are so tight, they have drama free moments and families that get along. But some siblings discover dynamics in how they deal with their problems, they disrespect each other and they each learn they would rather just not be together.

It’s just how it sometimes happens, sadly, out of control from us, their mothers….

…recently I was reflecting as a mother of three boys who are each about to head in three different directions. I so want to know that no matter what they’ll be there for each other and come together from time to time, but I have no way of guaranteeing that and yes it hurts. But I’m recently preparing my mind and heart for all possibilities.

I know you’re seeing this as all caused by your ex, but it sounds to me like each of them have their own responsibility in how they’ve treated each other and you through it all. It can’t all be your fault or the divorce or his addiction. There probably is enough blame to go around….and isn’t that often the case?

I hope you’ll rest in the fact that you love them all. You’re there for them. You work on your own healing and peace and over time they’ll need to do the same. The older their kids get, the clearer hopefully it’ll become to them why this is so important to you.

Much love and peace to you. 💕💕💕